The Fancy Party and Pantyhose

Last night was a big celebration for the Romney Institute. George Romney, father to Mitt, and big contributor to the Public Administration program of the business school at BYU, would have turned 100 yesterday, had he lived that long. In reality, he died in 1995, but there was still a fancy birthday party for him last night. Ben worked for the Institute for 5 years while he was a student at BYU, and is now getting his MPA (masters of public administration) through them. He knows people there, so he got an invitation, and an excuse to miss class for the night.

That was the long way of saying that we went to a fancy party last night. . .

Fancy parties are no big thing for me in a non-pregnant state. I have plenty of dresses, plenty of things that fit and make me look cleaned up even if I need to hurry to get ready after a long day of work. I can just throw on a dress and some makeup and I'm good to go. Pantyhose are generally the least of my concerns. . .

But I'm 9 months pregnant. I have a great black maternity dress I bought in the summer that I knew would work perfectly for the party, so I didn't stress about it. Until I realized (10 minutes before we needed to leave the house) that it was no longer summer. It was 45 degrees and rainy last night. NOT sandal weather. NOT open toed shoes/no pantyhose weather. And I hadn't even CONSIDERED how I would cover my pasty white legs for such an occasion.

Do they even MAKE pantyhose for pregnant people? If I hadn't been pregnant (at least to the point of not fitting into things) during the hottest months of the year, I probably would have considered this before now. But as it was, we were late and I was bare legged.

SO, after some failed attempts at getting into some other pairs of stockings from my drawer, we decided to stop at Payless quickly on our way to the party. We quickly found a cheap closed toed pair of black shoes that actually fit my hugely fat feet (for $7) at that, and approached the sock selection. . . we bought a pair of knee highs that I PRAYED would be long (they SO were not), and a pair of larger than life pantyhose in black. . . for $1. That was a sign of trouble right there.

Now, putting on a pair of hose whilst sporting a 9 month pregnant belly, sitting on a chair or bed at home is tricky. Let's be honest, ladies, putting them on is never a lot of fun, but when you can't really reach your toes anyway. . . next to impossible. Well, I always manage to make things even more complex. My job was to get a nasty pair of $1 hose on in the front seat of a Saab in the parking lot of Payless. . . without flashing anyone. Good luck!

I managed to wrangle the things up to about my knees (this was easier than my previous attempt at home as they were much larger and had almost no stretch to them) when a family of small hispanic children and their mother came walking around the minivan next to us. . . right at eye level with the passenger side window where I was struggling.

I froze.

The little boy closest to me froze.

Ben broke down into hysterical laughter.

Luckily, I wasn't flashing anyone.

Ben calmed down enough to drive while the family stared at us, and he backed out of the parking spot and pulled out onto the road. As we drove I reclined the seat and got the hose up as far as I could, but I really needed to be able to stand up to get them on any further.

We take a sort of back road out of Springville to get to BYU, so Ben pulled over next to a little horse farm and I got out. . . Luckily, this time, no one drove by. The only witnesses to the last stage of this humiliation were several horses. . . and I don't think they cared much.

They weren't comfortable. They felt like sandpaper, really. But they fit around my pregnant tush and didn't fall down, though they rested precariously above my hips for the entire 3 hour event. Even at their very large size, they pinched nicely enough to hold on to my body through the night.

Do they make pantyhose for pregnant women? Probably. Should I have thought about buying some earlier in the day? Certainly. But I didn't.

Have you ever wondered if I truly love my husband?

Has this post answered that question for you?

I thought so.